I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
