I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
