capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
