i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
