If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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