i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
smell my finger.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
