you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
