Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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