Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
