I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
