they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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