I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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