she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
