i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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