This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You had me at "let me see your balls"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
