Whatcha textin bout Willis?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
