It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Fuck appropriateness.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
