the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
