I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just invented taco cereal.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
