DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
