no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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