Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
