I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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