Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
