Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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