if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
