keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
