Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
