My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
