I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
