Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
