Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
