that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
