I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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