Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
