I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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