I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
