I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
