Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
