So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
