You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
