He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
