He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
