I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
