He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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