I wish I could teleport
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
