the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
