I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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