I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
