I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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