just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
