At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We got so high we made milksteak
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
