Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
