I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
