What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
