I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
