You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
