i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
